Do you play the drums?

August 23, 2017

I like to believe I can out-run depression. Getting out of the house, hearing my feet pound the pavement and feeling high on endorphins. Feeling accomplished and strong after a run. A rush of euphoria. Like anything is possible. Like all my goals and dreams are under my nose waiting for me to reach out and grab them. 

Running is my lifeline. It keeps me sane. However, my mind doesn't always allow me to feel motivated to get out of bed and go. Every day I fight against my thoughts. Every day I fight the voice telling me to not bother, it's too much effort, you're never going to be able to achieve a half marathon.

Just run. Drink some water. Put on your gym clothes. Tie your shoes up. And go. Go!  Pep talks and positive affirmations. You can do this. Remember your goals. 

Yesterday's run for example. I slept badly the night before. I woke up feeling off. Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Feeling sad for no particular reason. I got up, had breakfast but ended up back in bed an hour later and slept until late afternoon. It wasn't a satisfying sleep, it made me more tired and defeated. 4pm I had lunch, walked my dog with my sister and perked up slightly. Spending time with my sister always has a positive result on my mood. She makes me laugh until I cry. We talked about the TV shows we're currently invested in (Me, Broad City, her, Bates Motel) and we talked about the latest Taylor Swift news. Nature helped too. The fresh air, the chill breeze reminding me autumn is close. The freedom of the outdoors. 

I put on my running clothes and did it. The simple act of putting the clothes on motivates me, cos now I'm suitably dressed and laced up it's too late to back out now. Do you know how hard it can be to get a sports bra on? It's a wrestling match with my own body most days. 

I ran 3.2km/2 miles along the canal. The sun was beginning to set. The wind felt glorious against my skin. I stopped for a breath on top of a small white bridge when a man approached me. I was apprehensive at first, it was late evening and there weren't many people around. Good run, he said. I laughed and said yes, amid some heavy breathes. He said he runs, 5 miles at a time. We spoke about routes along the canal and I told him I was training for a half marathon. Held to his body with gorgeous pieces of fabric were drums. He asked if I had ever played drums. I laughed and shook my head. He was going to his friends boat to play drums with him. After exchanging names ( I forgot his though) and goodbyes I felt extremely calm, happy and grateful. I could tell he had a kind soul. His eyes sparkled as he spoke and he was full of passion. 

Sometimes all you need is a tiny shift of perspective. For me, it's always meeting a random person and talking to them like I've known them for years. 

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