Friday, 14 August 2015

10 Things I Hate About You (Period Style)

I'm sure you've all seen the iconic scene in the 90's film 10 Things I Hate About You starring Julia Stiles and the late Heath Ledger where the main female character Kat (Julia Stiles) declares her love for Patrick (Heath Ledger) in an unconventional way listing ironically all the features she hates about him.

Either I'm about to gross you out or make you laugh because I'm going to produce a funny about periods. Yes periods. *Cue all boys saying ewww*

I hate the way your products make me sound as if I'm sitting on the toilet eating a packet of crisps whilst emptying my bladder. I hate the way you make me feel every single emotional under the sun ALL AT ONCE. I hate the fact it feels as if there's a demon inside my uterus, turning to cannibalism and eating me from the inside first. I hate the cramps that make me want to projectile vomit over everything I love. I hate the timing and the way you arrive just as I'm about to go to a party or on a holiday that requires bikini wearing and swimming. I hate the bloating. I hate the fact you make me cry for no reason what so ever. I hate how you basically force feed me that entire bar of Cadbury's chocolate (the sharing one in fact), the large pot of Ben&Jerry's, oh and the cheesecake in the fridge. I hate waking up in the morning in what feels like a pool of blood. I hate when I unexpectedly start my period in a public place and have no access to the required products so I have to awkwardly makeshift a sanitary towel in the toilet (You ALL know what I'm talking about girls, don't deny it and if you haven't had to experience that, then well you're lucky!) 

But most of all, I hate that I don't hate you at all... Scrap that. I do hate you. Everybody hates you. I think I know if I've engaged in the coitus and could perhaps be pregnant so don't make my life hell for X amount of days.